i want an aroace relationship with a nonbinary girl · i want contradictions there’s a magic in a contradiction · confound false logics all fathers are male analytic falsehoods fictions just so stories all of metaphysics every prior truth a logic is only ever a prison of thought police
ile teach you differences
lear delulu imagines himself at court laying down the law only in the conceit of the divine right of kings decrees laws of nature this is the central tenet of the delulu state a kyriarchy builds power thru division by driving in pale after pale until it is impossible even to formulate an escape as anything but beyond the pale a kyriarchy is only a mass panic spread thru the contagion of violence so that it survives the death of the minotaur as a labyrinth worn in the ground like desire lines simply by our walking it the world is not born a fenced striated thing we don’t find divisions but make them we hand them down like old shoes forced into the postures of our ancestors our agile feet bound by their walking
le mutant
i don’t wish i were dead and i don’t wish i’d never been born i wish none of you had ever been born i wish there were less humans and more of my kind i wish there were any more of my kind and i weren’t the only one but i am and there aren’t and there are literally billions of times more of you than there are of me
i’m terrified i feel like superman abandoned on an alien planet
oxy
is my x chromosome even an x chromosome the answer rendered irrelevant by the fact that it’s open to question two arms four arms three arms two legs bad four legs good phenotype underdetermined by genotype karyotype by chromotype and the actual shapes of the actual fucking chromosomes underdetermined by how many fucking arms they have distinctions driven by the need to sex the shit out of everything hoping to find sex somewhere in the endless splitting of hairs turtles all the way down sex is the scissor
pre-gender not post-gender
when you’re in the mirror do you like what you see
when you’re in the mirror you’re just looking at me
me and the parts of me a class and its members a system and its alters moles and molecules the community and the trans ppl who make up the commuity individual queers and the international lgbt movement fascists and fascism but then microfascisms molecular fascisms that aren’t as easily resisted or understood so russian resistance becomes less molar and more molecular they can kill navalny and jail his followers but some rando will stab the governor or set fire to the town hall you cannot suppress resistance only molecularise it · is that ok w them tho · like our childishness is molecularised under allonormativity · but that‘s a segmenting · the fluidity of molecules and their ability to recombine makes them fertile grounds for resistance
i run as hot and cold as you do my love be supple molecular decompose and recombine aroace is as much a segmented lil box as any sexed in innumerable ways then sexual in a multitudinous nomadology of possibility i don’t have a molar biological sex i have multiple molecular biological sexednesses each variable orthogonally one to another and none of them on a binary ready to be decomposed and recombined endlessly always trans enby demigirl on hormones on blockers tits dick then a multitude too of molecular sexualities lesbian gay for men aroace aspec fluid as these parts of me decompose and recombine bambi lesb supple flogged yiffed these are parts just like my boobs chromosomes genes my endocrinology that i yiff that i sub that i move supple in aspec space that i fuk men alongside my venomous misandry i can be all these at once because these are molecularities not molarities i have no molar sexuality any more than a molar sex only these decompositions and recombinations then i don’t love you or not or hate you or shrug as some totalising molarity but as molecules that interact with your own molecularity so that some days we barely speak to one another and some days i hear bells and choirs of fucking angels
oedipus exiled by the king for confounding binarities cis dudes are icky bc they wanna come on my tits but they’re the tits of a teenage girl and they feel like a pedo and they wanna know what girldick feels like in their mouths but they’re not sure if gay i scare them bc i confound these binarities
a mirror is not narcissus’ pool
prior to industrial capitalism the mirror functioned culturally not as reflection but distortion a portal to other worlds the universalisation of the lived experience of a fin de siècle bourgeois viennese mec as (human) women don’t navigate the mirror stage don’t learn to see in the resemblance to others an other but a thing in the resemblance to other objectified things to other oneself as fully human fully participant in social space is a male preserve to see oneself as the same kind of thing as the father who acts in the world or the mother who is acted upon ask a man what he sees in the mirror and he’ll tell you his name ask a woman and she’ll say (a woman) he internalises his privilege as an autonomous agent in the world she internalises her objectification but this is all too reductive what do i see i see a fucking mess lol even objectification is a privilege it’s all (relative)
i don’t doubt that he found it there having put it there
autogynephilia the projection of their own toxicity into nature pathologising finding yourself attractive liking what you see in the mirror as illness dude smell yourself looking in the mirror and feeling less than is not healthy and soz but i’m into butches i’m rly not my type
you are not ill you have an enemy
a child is full of love not full of romance or sex soz dude yu are projecting that’s why archetypical love presocialisation is poly and pan we’re taught to be straight endo allo cis at the school of trauma multitudes beaten out of us sexualisation is a cultural contingency it’s my demigirl pan poly aroace love that’s natural and normal and human not this fucking machine for crushing our bones but yu do yu feed the minotaur see if i care
i do care pls stop ily
sanrio girls on ecstasy
the notion writing is ever purely descriptive · nothing but choices what to note what to ignore · but taking a picture is all decisions too
so tonight that i might seizure
if men walk an inch off the gound in a superstructure of our bones then whatever earth cis women walk i’m knee deep in it
i don’t occupy the same world you do wittgenstein’s world that dies with you the grain of truth in solipsism you are more numerous than us but so are insects yes you can kill us but so can insects we don’t think the world belongs to insects so why tf should it belong to you
me peeing in the ladies’ isn’t the same thing as you peeing in the ladies’
but we don’t need to be on the same page only to intersect i’m poly i don’t need you to be my everything
trans day of remonstrance
a palestinian state a jewish state a trans state why not there are enough of us
beautiful in ways you can’t see not rly chasers have a caliban tier instinct for it
to not have to fake it fake smiles patronising you pretending i find you tolerable when you’re literally stood on a pile of my spoons smiling while you open up my purse and pocket my money that’s what i’m tired of like i got tired of the closet i can’t be fucked not being openly antithetical to you i’m tired of closeting my hate your smiles are false too you’re trying to kill me all of you you’re all implicated it’s war like the ils and the elles i’m tired of reciprocating the fake smiles you mask your hosility with i wanna return unvarnished hate i wanna bare my teeth so you’ll kill me so fuck you are anyway i’m fucked enough you’ve nothing left to threaten me with i hate you every time you laugh while one of us is dying or being raped while we’re economically coerced into sex work all the fun you have at our expense i’m too beautiful for you unless you’re paying an object of hate an object of desire an object of remonstrance of rage reistance disapprobation i’m old and atrophied yes but i’m also angry
familiar exploitation
mom crush friend crush goals crush crush crush a fam crush a lonely childless old lady who wants to be your auntie a niece crush i moved on as my trauma moved on i used to crush on ppl i wanted to kiss then ppl i wanted to be when i grew up now i wanna auntie you sinking thru the categories of familiar exploitation hoping to hit some bedrock of love unconstrained by structures of power
we have to be familiarised made into organised into families for the oppressive mechanisms to get under the skin
then shedding each layer of skin like the useless metaphysics it is each drawing of lines around what before was only a body without organs dis-organised shedding structures shedding trauma the family tree as a rigid segmentarity for calculating property inheritance passing on nothing but violence in our subjection to its striated (differentiation)
i cracked late · but wasn’t that 2nd crack · no one’s born in the closet there’s no coming out without a going in herded into pens as a child i was uncomplicatedly a girl then adults happened and the violence territorialised by patriarchy to erase the threat posed to structures of power by my tiny intersex body they’re not protecting children they’re protecting patriarchy from children
wittigenstein
there’s a bedrock of what goes without saying in a given tongue but we can make new languages new ways of writing of deconstructing the body and its motions fricatives labials the motion of a hand across paper in little loops what makes a spade a spade if power reproduces by encoding itself in flesh as trauma then we subvert power by reencoding our flesh we deconstruct the violence with our own violence self harm bondage transition tattoos piercings dildos prosthetics the positioning of our bodies relative to one another as itself a dildonics to use your own body as a dildo to fuck yourself with the dildo of your own body starve yourself somatic reencodings deterritorialisations and reterritorialisations
oh polly breaking your heart doesn’t rly count does it all these men chatting you up and things overheard crushing yourself deconstructing yourself the meaning of yourself the allonormativity unravelling that a child’s love isn’t romantic any more than it’s sexual but sisterly motherly these are patriarchal framings that seek to contain love within the traffic in women to encode our bodies these are somatic relations sister mother a child is yet free of encodings of the body so that the body is a reflexive organ of joy the tactile sensation of a sloppy kiss not laden with structural semiotics there’s no territory for a child only the world
i’d felt poly pan aroace but couldn’t add that up and ofc a child is poly pan and aroace that’s how it adds up mono monosexual monogamous and allo all as ways structural power appropriates our love in service to its reproduction · our natural human love is free abundant boundless unstructured prestructural straddles intersections queers classes categories of gender sex sexuality our love striated a rigid segmentarity that’s why fluidity is a threat sexually fluid gender fluid but also fixed at either side of the striations straddling segments a foot on both sides paraconsistent a foot in the door but a foot out the door too microidentifications molar molecular sexual molecules and sexual moles one’s molarity and one’s molecularity sexed not just in a given framework but at a given level of segmentarity so then fluid against multiple segmentarities queer genderqueer aspec a lesbian a transbian a bambi lesbian each as a further liberation escaping a new segmentarity a runaway slave who escapes the frying pan then the fire
monogendered · two girls and an enby · gender plural
segmentarities flows lines of flight a nomadology from allonormativity aspec not just aroace a whole plane of immanence countless sexualities on the outside of allosexuality a rhizome adults are just children in boxes