abstract

What we call childish is actually just natural and human and essential and what we call mature is actually just submission to the domination of toxic structures of power that reproduce by encoding themselves in flesh as trauma

age binarity

we’re all water from different rivers

i love that my body is young and old like it’s male and female and the same haters hate for the same reasons it’s against nature to make our constructed metaphysics look constructed you can’t have tits and a dick and you can’t have the tits of a teenager with the body of a fifty fucking four year old

and yet i do

and the pressure from the other side to whiten my teeth botox hair transplant like the pressure to have a tracheal shave and the hairline the frontier both of the age youth binary and the male female binary queering both refusing the conformance a hairline that goes with my tits not my dick or the wrinkles and thinning teeth because my tits don’t just appear young they are young there’s nothing illusory here i am young and old my body is young and old external to the very distinction exists in a place outside the reach of it as of binarity of sexedness

i am fifty four and barely post-pubescent

these are biological truths

my chromotype is (male typical) my karyotype not my genotype both my phenotype neither and thus was i born my hormonal sex is differently atypical than before nonconsensual intervention and different again since voluntary intervention these things are my (biological sex)

how is it that a system of segregation that is hostile to the interests of all parties is able to subsist beyond a single generation

she was born a man

i want a twenty-four-hour truce during which there is no rape

42% on average lower for cis women lower for white women higher for the rest of us almost a given you do not walk in my shoes you do not walk my earth any more than men walk yours andrea never got her truce instead we got the kind of equality wherein 42% of lesbians report having been raped by another woman equality of access to women’s bodies equality of disrespect for women’s autonomy of agency my rape deprived me of my agency not just in that moment but in the after years as i descended into a state of dissociative self pissing having lost the sense of a connection between my wishes and the things that happened to me

a man who calls me a groomer and a woman who listens ready to lean into some transphobic projection of his toxic masculinity whereby his own creepy predatorial leering is transposed onto me because he sees me as a man and in the same act of transference absolves himself also in her eyes ready to see his letching as normal and healthy man behaviour and project his toxic masculinity onto me because what is her alternative but to smash the fucking patriarchy and it’s monday and i’m tired

groomer myths and predator tropes are part of the same fetishisation of trans bodies as chasers and economic coercion into sex work you are fucking obsessed with sexualising everything we do

there’s a white cis dude at my local coffee spot who misgenders me daily

and an asian girl who just gets it sexualised exoticised fetishised excluded patronised marginalised migrants also as boundary transgressors queering the fictive differences on which power hinges stop the boats trans women are men the fractured locus of the colonial difference

Smashing the patriarchy with noseboops and slumber parties

LACUNES LACUNES LACUNES
CONTRE TEXTES
CONTRE SENS
CE QUI EST À ÉCRIRE VIOLENCE
HORS TEXTE
DANS UNE AUTRE ÉCRITURE

compulsory heterosexuality compulsory binarity compulsory sexedness compulsory sexuality

heteronormativity cisnormativity endonormativity allonormativity

wittig recognised the heterosexual contract as a decree of the straight mind that (you will be straight or you will not be)

but underneath the heterosexual contract hidden in the small print we find the allosexual contract the endosexual contract and the binary contract

you will be sexed or you will not be

you will be binarily sexed or you will not be

you will be sexual or you will not be

and perhaps the genderqueer and the aroace are collateral damage in the need to erase the queer to construct rigid segmentarities of property inheritance to invent women metaphysics as inventory a class system in an sku nonetheless the erasure is real

and the erasure is material my intersex genitals were erased thru nonconsensual surgery there’s nothing abstract or theoretical here i was butchered to hide the evidence that the just-so stories on which patriarchy is premised were just that

constructivism as a materialism for bodies are made not found one is not born a woman milk for the girls meat for the boys bind your feet segregated sports labour indoors on the pill shave pluck style and paint starve it work it cut it burn it bind and flog it ink it pierce it scar it

the approbation of the cis

there’s a grain of truth in it

we evolved the chemlab in our mouths at the same time we evolved intelligence and communication so although we have the same need as other animals in being able to detect good eating like we taste carbs as sweetness we taste salinity in water fats as acidity poisons as bitterness unlike other animals we have a means of intellectualising and structuring it and of discussing it so there’d be a cro magnon group trying a root they’ve come across and saying words that meant sweet bitter starchy talking about mouthfeel and acidity and sharing an early approximation of cupping notes so that what we do in specialty coffee i want to call fundamental to human culture like communal tastings must predate cave paintings as a cultural form and the language that evolved around eating would have been core to linguistic development as sustenance is central to an organism’s survival and also central to the evolution of language itself like shared tastings would have been a driver of linguistic sophistication and the conceptual sophistication underneath which constitutes an early metaphysics a kind of entanglement of our supremacy over nature with the very skills we use today in coffee cuppings so that there’s a connection in these practices with our deepest and most human cultural sensibilities so that a cupping is a kind of ritual reenactment of our deepest ancestral memories

transitioning as a border crossing perception as border inner life and exteriority on hormones my eye colour changed but so did my eyesight trans diyers i met spoke of (results) in terms purely of externally visible changes a gender clinician of weeping when a patient sought a ba having thus failed her another of measuring the success of a patient’s transition by whether he’d fuck her no one thought to ask her how she felt not even ourselves the body perceived as a body perceives as a body we see with our eyes hear with our ears feel with our skin which softens becomes more sensitive the palate changes depth perception and spatial awareness balance posture thus the whole interface with the world around us the body as border your skin is the skin of the world on you

so my colour perception changed and i painted my spatial awareness changed and i photographed my palate changed and my world changed we do not walk the same earth

there’s a natural desire to be liked of course but i live in the same society you do i’m imbued with the same culture of transphobia and cisnormativity so your approbation becomes oxygen to me a question also of personal safety and i am tired

i’m tired of pretending i give a fuck what you think of me when your contempt is a given

i’m tired of living for your approval when nothing i do will ever make me good enough

i’m tired of pretending you’re not on the other side of the violence that murders me every day smiling at the cunt who misgenders me

allonormativity deprives us not of our innocence but of our power the power of love unbridled i want the person i’m spooning to be spooning other people our natural playfulness and joy has to be reined in harnessed exploited as resource for the construction of power in difference work play binarity a child kisses wet like a pupper why can’t i kiss you wet like a pupper without that meaning we’re engaged why can’t i lick your face why would it be weird if i touched your nose because kyriarchy is built on divisions a rigid segmentarity boy girl child adult work play we’re all water from different rivers then dammed shored into reservoirs fathers and sons reproducing violence lurching from my abusive childhood into a string of abusive relationships power reproduces by encoding itself in flesh as trauma a reflexive language of violence written in bodies passed on at a preconscious level so that no outward resistance can break the cycle only a new writing with different tongues lacunae lacunae against texts against meaning boop

you were not born with the body you have now

there may not be much difference between chairman mao and richard nixon if we strip them naked

but polly what’s this got to do with playfulness or being aroace well i’ll get to that patience moya sladkaya

monogamy and polyamory a child’s love prior to allonormative regulation is poly love boundless tactile sensual not sexual the imposition of a sexuality comes later in the striation the segmentation of our love into the love for one’s mother sister holy father groomed i use the word for a life of adult love submission to patriarchy to wage labour to put away childish things for a child simply loves thus the relegation of the qpr to the marginalia i wanna see a romcom that centers the qpr with some tokenistic allo sidekick who has ten minutes of screen time we are not born sexual we are not born monogamous we are not born women we are born full of love an aroace promiscuity for everyone and everything kissing the trees waving goodbye to the train itself as it pulls away from the platform

reich and the family as the seat of fascism in the striation of natural fluidity into structure of power and privilege

mother daughter auntie categories of exploitation

the truth is i’m trying to fit how i feel about you into these allonormative patriarchal little boxes do i fancy you do i wanna be your friend do i wanna mother you or auntie you is there a difference do i wanna fuck you kiss you hug you boop your nose do i think you’re beautiful do i find you attractive friends lovers chosen family trapped in the language of power we reproduce our own oppression as soon as we try to articulate our escape so we end up with gay marriage rather than women liberated from marriage

so that playfulness becomes a strategy of resistance so that literally booping noses and platonic bed sharing become part of our practice of escaping and problematising compulsory sexedness and sexuality of queering our situatedness with regard to the structural violence thru which kyriarchy selfreplicates in the medium of our bodies